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Meltdowns is the song that sets the tone for the rest of the album—a little bit of humor, a little bit of melodrama, a little bit of anger, a little bit of insecurity… and a whole lot of angst. Graduating from high school and starting university, every small decision felt massive, like it could make or break my future. You’re too young to know who you really are, but it feels too late to completely deviate from the path you’ve already started walking down. In high school, I saw myself as very adult. Suddenly, I actually was an adult—but felt like I still belonged in high school. I wanted to capture that sense of spiraling—losing your balance, regaining it, and losing it all over again—in this chaotic pop-punk track.
How is it? was written at a time when I had long moved on from a toxic situationship and was in a happy, loving relationship with the sweetest boy ever. Despite that, I was ashamed to admit that a small part of me was still hung up on the excitement of a relationship with extreme highs and lows. I was also still dealing with the fallout of having my boundaries constantly and purposely disrespected by someone I had once admired. This song helped me come to terms with the guilt, and taught me to be more forgiving with myself for how I coped with that trauma.
I wrote the first verse of this song while driving from Germany (where I had finished high-school) to Italy (where I was studying political science in university), with all my belongings in the trunk. In that moment, it hit me how absurd it was that I had already had my driver’s license for over a year, that I was making such a big move by myself, and how strangely adult that made me feel. Not too long ago, I had sat in the backseat while my nanny drove me to swim practice. Suddenly, I felt an enormous amount of nostalgia for that time and for my nanny, whom I hadn’t spoken to in a long time. What started as an ode to my nanny ended as an ode to so many people in my life that I live far away form and don’t talk to nearly enough, but still have endless appreciation for. While working on the song with my producers, we had the best time sitting on the floor, sipping wine and reminiscing about the innocence of childhood.
The lyrics kind of say it all. It’s about being over someone for a while, but still secretly waiting for them to realize their mistakes, come apologize, and give you the satisfaction of turning them down. It’s about the moment when you realize you don’t need their apology at all. In fact, you don’t ever need to talk to them again—because you’ve found peace, and they’d only ruin it.
For everyone whose best friend dumped them for popularity—and the bittersweetness that comes with it.
Doesn’t everyone have someone in their life who loves them very much, but thinks that love entitles them to treat you however they want? Someone who would do anything for you—except the one thing you actually need: for them to deal with their own issues. I know I do.
Inspired by my first year of university, while desperately applying for summer internships. Impossible to get—even though none of them would even have been paid. And if you don’t get one, you won’t get a job after graduation, and so on. The line “rip up my CV” evolved into a general “fuck you” to all the impossible expectations society places on young people. Side note: my producers and I had so much fun coming up with the dumbest lyrics and then deciding to include them for the laughs.
As the title hints, this song is about a love I made out be a fairytale but which was actually far from it. It’s about taking responsibility for a situation in which you weren’t the main villain, but you were no hero either; where you let yourself get sucked into doing things you’re not proud of in the naïve hope that you will be the “special” one who will turn the player into a prince.
A lot of the songs on this album are about the angst and lows of being a young adult. This one is the opposite. It’s about how all the lack of control, lack of direction, and lack of a set path can actually be freeing. It’s an anthem to being young—and all the excitement that comes with that.
The hardest song to write. I feel like as girls, we’re often warned about strange men becoming predators—but no one prepared me for someone I knew and trusted, someone I used to have a crush on, to be the one who crossed that line. And how that makes it all the more easier to look for the blame in yourself. It was the last song I wrote for the album, the one I didn’t want to write, but had to. I hope most people can’t relate—but for those who can, I hope it makes them feel a little less alone.
